Oh, hi there. Me? I’m good, thanks. How are you?
Oh I don’t know. I’m not sure what this blog post is about, to be honest. I just need somewhere to empty my brain, so thanks in advance for listening.
I’m trying to control my wandering mind. This week and next are pretty full-on, and I’m exhausted from working on feet all of this week, so I’m trying to silence the negativity that my brain is throwing at me whenever I get tired.
I mean, it’s a good busy, not a bad busy. Sure, the job itself (flyer distribution) isn’t glamorous, but it does mean that I’m getting plenty of exercise and most of the people I encounter are grateful for the vouchers, so the ineractions are usually enjoyable. On top of that a number of deadlines are approaching for Hove Grown at a time when I really need to be doing paid work.
Still, it’s February and all the industries I work in are mostly still in festive slumber. I have had a couple of really good meetings this week that will hopefully alleviate a large number of future financial pressures, so that’s something to potentially look forward to as well. Even better, they’re not acting related, so the usual pitfals of the industry don’t apply, but they will mean that I have more time to spend on my acting career.
I went back into my old office today to say hi to some colleagues. I found myself explaining how this year I feel more like an actor than I ever have done. This is due to a number of reasons, but mainly because I am now available for acting work pretty much 24/7. My Spotlight, Equity, Actors Guild and Actors Cenre memberships now feel like esentials rather than optional extras too, which gives me a sense of validation.
That said, this week I did the worst audition that I’ve done in a long, long time, so I really want to spend some time working on getting those skills sharp again. I guess my current workload is “getting in my way” with that target in my sights. Likewise I’m feeling highly creative at the moment and I’ve had a few ideas for songs and plays, yet no time to write them.
See? That moany tired voice keeps seeping through…
This next couple of weeks will be hectic, but then things should settle down a little bit. If all goes according to plan I’ll be able to crack on with my various projects without having to worry about where my rent is coming from.
I’ve been listening to some comedy podcasts while driving to my leafleting job, and they’ve made me reflect on my comedy ambitions. I’m also a subscriber to Ian Boldsworth’s Patreon, where he’s given a few insights into the comedy industry. All of this has made me consider my place witin the industry, and ultimately I’ve come to the conclusion* that it’s an industry that I don’t think I’m going to fit comfortably into. Hearing some of the stories of the way comedians are treated (by both audiences and promoters) has made me think that I’m not cut out for that world. Every time I do an open mic, I do so with the intention of trying to be more comfortable on the stage as a comedian. And every time I fail. Now I know that, like everything in life, you have to keep getting up and failing until you get better. But I’ve had a nagging, underlying feeling for a while now and I’ve not quite been able to figure out what it is. I’m still not sure, but what I do know is that my hybrid comedy/lecture style is somewhat unique, and I need to spend some time working on the correct format for it.
That said, I keep coming up with character comedy ideas and not going through with them.
It’s strange, too. Put me in character and ask me to improvise with a group of strangers and I can do it until the cows come home. Ask me to get up on stage and be comfortable in my own skin, however…
Ah sod this. I’m going to bed. Night.
*Not binding. I’m known for changing my conclusions at very short notice